PORTRAIT ARTISTS MUST BE MAD

by Roland Arthur

Look in the mirror, and what do you see? 

A portrait of you? Well, not quite, you’ll agree, 

It’s all wrong way round. What’s left should be right, 

Your parting’s on the left, and that can't be right.

So how can we see, as others would see us? 

Two mirrors? OK. But it can be precarious.
A photo? Ah yes! If "true you" is the aim. 

But will you be happy? “Not quite”, you’ll proclaim.

Have you ever seriously considered self-portraiture? It’s a tricky business. Most people initially would start searching for a mirror in which they could see as much of themselves as they can bear. Now that’s fine in some respects.

Assuming that your artistic skills are reasonable, you’ll probably be happy with the end result and declare that it is a fairly true likeness. However, when you show it, with pride, to others, it may be a different story. Why? It looks all right to you. Let’s say that you always part your hair on the right. When you comb your golden locks each morning in front of the mirror, the person staring back at you actually has their hair parted on their left. So that is the way you normally see yourself and imagine yourself to look. When your Auntie Mary and Uncle Tom come round for a cuppa, they see you as you really are. To them your hair is parted on its true side. On the right. Put it another way, the image you have of yourself is wrong.

You always see yourself “opposite hand” to the reality when using a mirror. Even the most perfect face has irregularities. Film and TV stars included. This mismatch of left and right also applies to even the slightest of differences between the two sides of our faces. Eyes may be at slightly different levels. Ears can be at significantly different heights. A nose may be ever so slightly off centre. You must often have heard people say, “This is my best side”, when someone is photographing them. Mouths are very often slanted one way or the other. It is partly what makes us “different” from each other. They are not usually “abnormalities”, just differences. Put all these together and you can see how much our faces alter in mirror image. So, there’s the dilemma. Should we produce a Self-portrait that satisfies ourselves or others? Most people would say the latter. You can’t have it both ways. But it does mean that you will be better working from a photograph than viewing yourself through a mirror?

This therefore throws up a problem for the discerning portrait artist. Let’s call him Fred. A customer, Helen, presents Fred with a photograph of her husband, Alec. It is a good photograph and the finished article is to be a surprise for Alec on his birthday. Fred sets to and produces the portrait well in time for the appointed day. He hasn’t seen Alec. He doesn’t need to as he has a perfectly good photograph to work from. When Helen collects the picture all framed and mounted, she is ecstatic. “Oh! That’s marvellous. I’m sure he’ll like it” and off she goes.

Two days after the birthday, Fred gets a phone call from Alec He’s not happy with the picture. He’s not quite sure what’s wrong but there’s something not quite right about it.  He says that Helen thinks it is very good, as do other people he’s shown it to. But after all it’s a picture of him and he says that surely he should be the best judge. Fred has now to convince Alec that the money his wife parted with for the commission was in fact well spent and that Alec himself is probably the worst possible judge of his own portrait for the reasons given above.

So now you know why there are so few portrait artists !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Roland Arthur